Transvestia

room and my dream world again. After a period of happiness which might have been minutes, hours, or in one case almost an entire day, I would begin to damn myself and retreat from "E....'s" clothing to my own. I never destroyed anything during these retreats because the clothes were not mine to de- stroy, but instead I would call myself any number of names and vow never again to weaken and give in to my "stupid" desires.

This was a

Then almost suddenly "E...." was married and her clothes were taken out of my life. shock to me and immediately the absence of the loved yet hated, clothing triggered a strong desire which plagued me for months until I desperately search the family cedar chest for something to wear.

I had ever owned.

I found

the yellow bathing suit which "E...." had forgotten to take with her. This was the only feminine article I kept it carefully hidden in my closet and wore it whenever I could. On occasion I would wear it under my masculine clothing and help my mother with her housework. Then during one of my purges it was destroyed.

Shortly before I began my junior year of high school I was walking down main street with a weeks pay in my pocket. As I strolled past one of the most exclusive women's shops in town I noticed a summers-end sale sign in the window. I came out of the store five minutes later with a very expensive bathing suit under my rather unsteady arm.

two day

That same evening my parents left on a vacation trip. I had carefully formed a plan during the afternoon and put it into effect as soon as they were gone. I called my friend R.... over to the house and suggested a game of shuffleboard in our basement. Midway through the game I was losing badly as per my plan. I told him as casually as I could that I had found one of E....'s swimming suits in the house and suggested that the loser of our game wear the suit, and nothing else for the entire fol- lowing game. He laughed and agreed saying that he

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